Official explanation: The Holy Spirit narrated to the author. This can be quite removed, some books were written many years after the event, some were passed down.
A few centuries later, the Council of Nicea went through all of these texts and decided, “This is real, we can tell, we’re putting this in the Bible. That… that other stuff is fake, yuck! Gross. Heresy.”
They also resolved a pressing issue for the new church. “Priests, please stop cutting your balls off, that is a metaphor, not literal instruction. Even though He said that they were literal instructions, that was also a metaphor.”
“Oh, just one more thing… you can’t get married. No, He didn’t say that, but we’re inspired by the Magic Bird, so mote it be.”
What? I’m not sober so it’s very possible I’m just bring stupid and not understanding the words, they just make no sense to me at the moment and I can’t figure out what you were trying to write (in the case of me not being dumb right now).
My favorite bit of Christian lore is the time that predestination became a widespread belief. People cursed god and the church and sinned 30x harder, recognizing that if they did it, they were always meant to. In the absence of choice, people found hedonism not just agreeable but compulsory. Then the church solved that issue by telling people that they could actually get into heaven by paying. People got so pissed off that a sect splintered off, and I think that how we got Protestants.
Someone please tell me how many different events I erroneously mixed together.
Luther and Calvin started off with Niecea and Trinity are complete BS mistranslations of original greek, and you can be your own priest = “conscience interpreting Jesus words as meaningful”. It ended up with Trinity is best, and only Calvin was allowed to be his own priest, and you should be killed for having believed the first version. I don’t know about paying for sin, but how else can a pastor get a G6?
Then the church solved that issue by telling people that they could actually get into heaven by paying. People got so pissed off that a sect splintered off, and I think that how we got Protestants.
OP here is referring to the fact that the Catholic church was selling indulgences (basically get out of purgatory free cards), and that is what led Martin Luther to publish the Ninety-five Theses, calling them out on it. This is generally considered to be the starting point for the Protestant Reformation.
Go to any Assembly of God church on Sunday; they are inspired my the Holy Spirit, and speak in tongues! Holy Spirit talks to all who will listen.
The Bible teaches that when you accept Christ, the Magic Bird infuses you with superior wisdom and intellect. This is why you can be sure that your thoughts are legitimate and righteous.
Apocalyptic foretelling was apparently a pretty widespread hobby in the time when the ‘Revelation’ was composed. However, the canonical one is a political pamphlet masqueraded as such a story, with both 666 and its Latin variation 616 referring to Nero.
Lower-case apocrypha are extra-canonical religious writings, which cover a wide range of ancient texts in Christianity.
“The Apocrypha” is applied to a specific set of books that are accepted in various configurations by the Catholic, Orthodox and Eastern churches but are rejected from the Biblical canon by many Protestant denominations. Those are the ones you can find between the Old and New Testaments in some Bibles.
The book of Enoch often features in nutty ancient aliens content. Extra terrestrial beings and hand held devices and so on.
It’s important context for the canonical bible. Imagine you find a bunch of scrolls in urns in a cave and it’s basically an anthology of short stories from the star wars realm. You cut out the ones that just seem too crazy and the ones that contradict others, and then call the rest your special nutty history.
If you read through the list of canons you linked, none of them mentions a list of books that are to be considered part of the bible. The “canons” listed are basically just rules about different things in the church and were put in place to address splits that were forming as the church grew. The books of the bible were not in any way decided at Nicaea.
Oh, wait, it says “man”, can’t lay with a “man”, not boy. Hmm. Best to ask for forgiveness just to cover your ass.
It’s certainly okay to murder a boy if he has been disrespectful or disobedient. (Please note that this is not my personal view, this is Biblical, I didn’t write it please don’t call ICE on me).
18 If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.” 21 Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid. ~Deuteronomy 21:18-21
Beatings are also fine from a Bible perspective, but not too much… but don’t spare the rod (Proverbs 13:24)! Read your Bible for further details (I recommend King James 1611).
This great synod absolutely forbids a bishop, presbyter, deacon or any of the clergy to keep a woman who has been brought in to live with him, with the exception of course of his mother or sister or aunt, or of any person who is above suspicion.
This is what i was referring to, but it may have been a later council? It’s canon from what I’ve read, but not specifically about marriage, but “keeping a woman”.
IiRC it was more so that the Church got actual fiefdoms and wanted control so that potential priestly families wouldn’t just distance themselves into secular noble houses, taking lands with them.
Fiefdoms and related duties originated from kings, so the church wanted similar parallel rights over their vassal priests.
Official explanation: The Holy Spirit narrated to the author. This can be quite removed, some books were written many years after the event, some were passed down.
A few centuries later, the Council of Nicea went through all of these texts and decided, “This is real, we can tell, we’re putting this in the Bible. That… that other stuff is fake, yuck! Gross. Heresy.”
They also resolved a pressing issue for the new church. “Priests, please stop cutting your balls off, that is a metaphor, not literal instruction. Even though He said that they were literal instructions, that was also a metaphor.”
“Oh, just one more thing… you can’t get married. No, He didn’t say that, but we’re inspired by the Magic Bird, so mote it be.”
You probably think I’m joking… but sadly, no.
p.s. the church pays no taxes womp womp
“This can be quite removed”
What? I’m not sober so it’s very possible I’m just bring stupid and not understanding the words, they just make no sense to me at the moment and I can’t figure out what you were trying to write (in the case of me not being dumb right now).
The Council of Nicaea did not decide the books of the canon, it decided on whether Jesus was equal to God or not…
My favorite bit of Christian lore is the time that predestination became a widespread belief. People cursed god and the church and sinned 30x harder, recognizing that if they did it, they were always meant to. In the absence of choice, people found hedonism not just agreeable but compulsory. Then the church solved that issue by telling people that they could actually get into heaven by paying. People got so pissed off that a sect splintered off, and I think that how we got Protestants.
Someone please tell me how many different events I erroneously mixed together.
Luther and Calvin started off with Niecea and Trinity are complete BS mistranslations of original greek, and you can be your own priest = “conscience interpreting Jesus words as meaningful”. It ended up with Trinity is best, and only Calvin was allowed to be his own priest, and you should be killed for having believed the first version. I don’t know about paying for sin, but how else can a pastor get a G6?
I can for money… Otherwise, enjoy the orgy!
eh, I’m good for money tonight. come back when you wanna bj
I think something is missing or the Protestants would be Hedonists.
OP here is referring to the fact that the Catholic church was selling indulgences (basically get out of purgatory free cards), and that is what led Martin Luther to publish the Ninety-five Theses, calling them out on it. This is generally considered to be the starting point for the Protestant Reformation.
They were pissed off with the hedonism and made catholicism but with fun being illegal and salvation through wageslavery
That part actually explains a bunch of things about the ‘Protestant ethic’.
You mean the four authors who all wrote the same story but slightly different?
Holy spirit talking to people must have been common back then. Strange how it just stopped.
Oh, it hasn’t stopped, friend.
Go to any Assembly of God church on Sunday; they are inspired my the Holy Spirit, and speak in tongues! Holy Spirit talks to all who will listen.
The Bible teaches that when you accept Christ, the Magic Bird infuses you with superior wisdom and intellect. This is why you can be sure that your thoughts are legitimate and righteous.
It didn’t stop, we just understand it as psychosis these days.
So, everyone had, until 3000 years ago, schizophrenia induced by gods and were comanded by gods? That’s some wild mental gymnastic he did…
Some of the other writings that didn’t make the cut for the canonical bible are wild.
Bet a non canonical bible with only cut content is a way better book.
The Bible: Extended Cut
now with multiple endings
Apocalyptic foretelling was apparently a pretty widespread hobby in the time when the ‘Revelation’ was composed. However, the canonical one is a political pamphlet masqueraded as such a story, with both 666 and its Latin variation 616 referring to Nero.
Choose Your Own Adventure Bible
thats called the bible with apocrypha, and youre right its way better
edit: sry misread, dont know if you can get the apocrypha without the main bible. But the cut content is great!
Lower-case apocrypha are extra-canonical religious writings, which cover a wide range of ancient texts in Christianity.
“The Apocrypha” is applied to a specific set of books that are accepted in various configurations by the Catholic, Orthodox and Eastern churches but are rejected from the Biblical canon by many Protestant denominations. Those are the ones you can find between the Old and New Testaments in some Bibles.
It’s not at all confusing.
The book of Enoch often features in nutty ancient aliens content. Extra terrestrial beings and hand held devices and so on.
It’s important context for the canonical bible. Imagine you find a bunch of scrolls in urns in a cave and it’s basically an anthology of short stories from the star wars realm. You cut out the ones that just seem too crazy and the ones that contradict others, and then call the rest your special nutty history.
I read this in the voice of Bill Wurtz, jingles included.
Someone could make a religion out of this.
Flagging for best-of-lemmy
FYI, the council of Nicea had nothing to do with biblical canon. That’s a common misconception.
Feel free to correct me with any source! I am interested.
(it says canon for some reason)
https://www.papalencyclicals.net/councils/ecum01.htm
If you read through the list of canons you linked, none of them mentions a list of books that are to be considered part of the bible. The “canons” listed are basically just rules about different things in the church and were put in place to address splits that were forming as the church grew. The books of the bible were not in any way decided at Nicaea.
If you would like to read more and/or correct me on anything, I’m pulling from https://www.britannica.com/event/First-Council-of-Nicaea-325 and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Council_of_Nicaea
The celibate came in the middle ages and wasnt a law before the begin of the 20th century
I guess they’re no longer celibate then…
Well, he didn’t say you can’t rape little boys…
No, that’s death penalty!
Oh, wait, it says “man”, can’t lay with a “man”, not boy. Hmm. Best to ask for forgiveness just to cover your ass.
It’s certainly okay to murder a boy if he has been disrespectful or disobedient. (Please note that this is not my personal view, this is Biblical, I didn’t write it please don’t call ICE on me).
Beatings are also fine from a Bible perspective, but not too much… but don’t spare the rod (Proverbs 13:24)! Read your Bible for further details (I recommend King James 1611).
Didn’t that one come later because certain members of the clergy were having kids and functionally turning their positions into hereditary fiefdoms?
This is what i was referring to, but it may have been a later council? It’s canon from what I’ve read, but not specifically about marriage, but “keeping a woman”.
https://www.papalencyclicals.net/councils/ecum01.htm
IiRC it was more so that the Church got actual fiefdoms and wanted control so that potential priestly families wouldn’t just distance themselves into secular noble houses, taking lands with them.
Fiefdoms and related duties originated from kings, so the church wanted similar parallel rights over their vassal priests.
Wait what? Really? I mean I figured. Just…it was basically like that?