Fuck off Randy

Bunch of fuckin’ shit, sounds like

😂

They give birth to up to 30 live babies at a time every 2 months up to 3 times a year, and they’re fully sexually mature in 6 months. Imagine how many I’ll have soon!

Yeah I mean, I get it. I like meat, but I also hate the factory farm conditions and all the animal abuse that comes along with it. I prefer wild game.

No babies yet! I’ll be sure to update when they arrive - and I noticed I actually have 2 expecting mothers instead of just one!

I’m not afraid of them. I just dislike them.

Yeah they suck. About a decade ago, I got alpha gal from a tick bite. Found out because my weekly steak turned my intestinal system into a sock full of gravel. Took several months, but I got over it.

Oh yeah. And they go “SSSS!”

Ew, there were ticks?

I do have one in a small jar of alcohol, but that’s not a thing I typically do; I just pulled one off my dog and disposed of it that way.

But seriously, this one is about… 60mm? Somewhere in there. About 2.3 inches.

Roaches are, technically, 3 feet long. And two feet wide.

I just finished watching the Frankie Fey video about MPreg and now this

Keep up the good work, agent Fleur.

I absolutely fucking love that this guy became the CEO of Sex. Emphasis on fucking love.

Do you know who Shakira is?

You sound wistfully awed.

We were working together in a different state; he kept talking about this girl we worked with; we got drunk at her place- some of us (me) drunker than others; he gave me a ride back to the house we were renting and then went back to the party; I was convinced he was gonna sleep with the girl, and was infuriated he’d do that to his lovely wife and their daughter; I got my pistol and was gonna shoot him when he got home; I was too drunk to chamber a round; our other roommate was there and wrestled the gun away from me.

It’s an insane bit of logic. “In order to keep you from ruining your marriage, I’m going to kill you.”

His wife ended up sleeping with her boss a few years later, too, so. 🤷‍♂️

When I was an alcoholic, I wanted to keep my best friend from ruining his marriage by having an affair, so I tried to murder him with a gun. Pretty sure I would’ve gone about it differently had I been sober.

What? No, like, y’know how we all kinda wanna die all the time- like how we all kinda hope the gas tanker crosses the line and there’s nothing we can do about it. Y’know?