Raised evangelical.

EDIT: Was raised evangelical but was on the precipice of leaving that world, however I had accumulated a lot of credits at a different evangelical institution that would transfer and count toward my degree. But where I went to school (Palm Beach Atlantic University) was, at the time, a pretty relaxed school (in evangelical terms).

I was the guy that owned his own bowling balls (yes, plural) and shoes. In my twenties. Mostly because it was near impossible to find a ball that had the right weight and hole size.

But I have a story: I went to an Evangelical university in the early 2000s. Start of sophomore year they held a bowling tournament at the local alley. So me and two friends signed up. But we first went to the thrift store and bought cheap polyester suits and enormous aviator sunglasses, aiming for something out of the “Sabotage” music video. Our other friend decided to dress up like he was our “muscle” by wearing an outfit like you’d see in the background of the “Beat It” music video. We walked into the alley (which had not been updated since probably 1981, other than the scoring screens) and decided to take on personas like we owned the place, talking trash and generally acting like we existed in a different plane from everyone else. I kept an unlit cigarette in my mouth the whole time. I was the first of our team to bowl and, quite magically, I got a strike right out the gate.

All these church youth-group types were our competition. They had no idea how to deal with us. We won our match and then went to the bar, ordering Miller High Life and pretending we were regulars. Then the guy who held the event came up to us. Apparently drinking alcohol at a university sponsored event is a VERY serious no-no. Even though the official stance was that students of legal age were allowed to drink (at extremely moderate levels), alcohol was not allowed on campus nor, apparently, at events. Oops. Perhaps because we were having a good time they let it slide (I was also an RA at the time, which probably helped). Either way, we finished 3rd.

I grew up in the 'hood. Many years back, coming home from work, I drove through the Popeyes for dinner. At the speaker to order and tell them I want “two breasts and a thigh.”

“I bet you do, honey!” says the female voice through the speaker. Absolute gold.

This. But also a degree of expedience played a role too. Rome had twisted Judea (and, eventually, Galilee) to such a degree that the temple leadership was willing to let Rome crucify a guy like Jesus because it kept Rome from taking more. People like Pilate were looking for excuses to bring the hammer down on the citizens of Judea. Passover was often a flashpoint for insurrection (a bunch of oppressed people huddled together, all brought together by the unifying story of that time their God raised up a dude to lead them against their first oppressor–the festival was primed for any number of would-be “messiahs” to rise up and eventually try something against Rome, which led to intense crack-downs and, at times, mass crucifixions). So Rome backed the cultural and religious authorities into a corner, turning them into the sort of people who’d gladly hold sham trials to get rid of a guy who might bring more trouble down on their heads.

Also lots of “well, you’re animal isn’t really pure enough. But you’re in luck because we happen to have a few High Priest Certified^tm animals right over here. We’ll just take yours on trade and you can pay the difference!” (then resell the perfectly good sacrificial animal to the next poor pilgrim who comes along)

One of the few things that winds up being included in all four gospels.

I was always told it had to do with how long it took to get things approved. I remember when it was a big deal that the space shuttles were upgraded to 486s… in 2002.

Ah, yes. I see now I could have chosen better grammar.

I once knew a guy who, as a kid in the 70s, would take high-test fishing line and stretch it between two trashcans (this was back when they were made of metal). They’d do this just before the street lights came on and they needed to get home. So the dads would be coming home from work in the low light and then suddenly WHAM! they’d have two trashcans smash into the rear of the car. They’d yell and curse in the street, looking for whoever did it.

Then one day a cop comes by and it happens to him. He goes to every house and informs all the families that this is dangerous, that if someone on a motorcycle came through, they could be killed.

What my friend and his buddies heard was “use something more visible than fishing line.” So they started using yellow twine. He said this turned out to be funnier because you’d hear the brakes squeal before you’d hear the trashcans hit the sides of the car.

In college we once found a filthy, road-blackened parking cone, and stuck it in the middle of the main road right as the bars were closing. Eventually this enormous pick-up truck full of loud drunk people comes flying down the road and plows into the cone at full speed. We hear someone scream “OH MY GOD!” and maybe something about “was that a person?” And then they floored it, dragging the cone with them. We never found it again.

But in our quest to find the cone we acquired about seven normal looking ones and then randomly made a lane change in the road for no reason. That was pretty funny.

Maybe the AdBlockers are being pushed by those doctors who don’t want us to know that one trick they hate?

As someone who had testicular torsion when he was 14, this image… hoo boy. I need a drink.

I wonder: since the Death Star was powered by kyber crystals, is it effectively a giant lightsaber? (Also, this allows me to share my long-held head canon that the reason Luke’s RotJ lightsaber is green is because the only kyber crystals he could find were salvaged from the Death Star wreckage)

or white cotton shirt and trousers that make you look somewhere between wannabe boyband member and British pink-skinned colonist on a gap year

This made me lol

What about three white guys just hanging out and talking about the exact same crap they always do, but this time with a microphone in the middle? (This was my old podcast, The Masters of Divinity)

To be fair, that guy IS on social media. A lot.

May 21, 2011 was supposed to be the rapture or end of the world or whatever. I remember this because it was also my wedding day. Lived outside DC at the time and there were all these people holding signs and wearing shirts about it. We joked about getting a few for my bachelor party (“ha ha the world is ending on that day … FOR HIM!”). Never did it. But I had a great wedding.

The jank is always part of the charm.

This might be the most scholarly shitpost I’ve ever read. Bravo to everyone involved.

As the old saying goes: " 'twas a brave man who first ate an oyster." (Pretty sure this is an Oscar Wilde quote)