I am from the US and went to England for school one year. In the lunch line here, if there is a choice, you ask for it and say thank you, like “Carrots and potatoes” then “thank you!”. But in England they said no, that is rude. It’s “carrots and potatoes, please.” Then “thank you” when you get them. Needed both just to be minimally polite.
I AM polite with my kids, I model it but don’t demand it really. They catch on fine. I have friends and relatives who made their kids “yes sir” and “yes ma’am” them. I don’t think that’s cool. I told my kids to ma’am and sir wait staff, cashiers and teachers but not family, it does seem almost cheeky, somehow, to be too polite with family.
I’m English and it sounds slightly off to my ear if somebody requests something and says thanks in the same sentence. To me, you thank somebody after they’ve done something. Making a request and immediately saying thanks is like presuming they’re definitely going to do it, which cancels out the whole pretend formality of requesting instead of commanding.
I know practically a canteen worker isn’t going to deny your request so it’s all unnecessary social nonsense but it’s funny spelling these tiny differences out.
Yes! Making your kids call you “ma’am/sir” is a huge red flag for me. They’re your children, not your staff. They’re your responsibility, not your home-grown ego-massagers.
I kinda like doing that opposite of that. Using sir or ma’am for my kids always gives me a proper warm heart but I don’t make them use it in any context. For me the usage of sir/ma’am is reserved to show respect and deep fondness for someone (1 or 2 people total, not an “elder” thing). Kinda like some people loosely use uncle or grandma for someone that’s not even related but they’re still special to them.
It’s not really a thing in English but in my native language there’s an informal and formal way to say “you”. Once I was in a store, and somebody’s kid was being a little too loud/annoying for the parents liking, and she told her to be quiet using the formal “you”. It really irked me the wrong way, like you said it was like she was talking to an employee, but it felt even worse cause I’ve never used the formal you to my actual employer and vice versa
I am from the US and went to England for school one year. In the lunch line here, if there is a choice, you ask for it and say thank you, like “Carrots and potatoes” then “thank you!”. But in England they said no, that is rude. It’s “carrots and potatoes, please.” Then “thank you” when you get them. Needed both just to be minimally polite.
I AM polite with my kids, I model it but don’t demand it really. They catch on fine. I have friends and relatives who made their kids “yes sir” and “yes ma’am” them. I don’t think that’s cool. I told my kids to ma’am and sir wait staff, cashiers and teachers but not family, it does seem almost cheeky, somehow, to be too polite with family.
I’m English and it sounds slightly off to my ear if somebody requests something and says thanks in the same sentence. To me, you thank somebody after they’ve done something. Making a request and immediately saying thanks is like presuming they’re definitely going to do it, which cancels out the whole pretend formality of requesting instead of commanding.
I know practically a canteen worker isn’t going to deny your request so it’s all unnecessary social nonsense but it’s funny spelling these tiny differences out.
Yes! Making your kids call you “ma’am/sir” is a huge red flag for me. They’re your children, not your staff. They’re your responsibility, not your home-grown ego-massagers.
I kinda like doing that opposite of that. Using sir or ma’am for my kids always gives me a proper warm heart but I don’t make them use it in any context. For me the usage of sir/ma’am is reserved to show respect and deep fondness for someone (1 or 2 people total, not an “elder” thing). Kinda like some people loosely use uncle or grandma for someone that’s not even related but they’re still special to them.
It’s not really a thing in English but in my native language there’s an informal and formal way to say “you”. Once I was in a store, and somebody’s kid was being a little too loud/annoying for the parents liking, and she told her to be quiet using the formal “you”. It really irked me the wrong way, like you said it was like she was talking to an employee, but it felt even worse cause I’ve never used the formal you to my actual employer and vice versa