I’m down for politeness, and teaching politeness. But the thing about these situations that bugs me is when the parents insist on teaching politeness, but they don’t practice it themselves.

Does the parent say, “Please hand me your dishes,” or “Please come into the living room”? If they use polite language regularly, then it’d make sense for them to instill polite manners in other mundane situations. If the parents model the behavior they want, they extend respect to the kids, and as such it’s fair to request the same behavior in response.

But too many people, including many parents, skip over that “model the behavior they want” part. Saying please/thank you/etc. becomes a rule applied to the kids, but not to the adults. Of course a kid’s going to be resentful about that.

I teach small kids, I use please and thank you with them all the time. I then praise them for independently using such words. I see it as a show of my respect for them, and they pick up on that. I may be in charge, but as far as I see it, we are equals. I learned the value of politeness through trauma, but I’d rather these kids learn about it by experiencing the pro-social benefits that it comes with.

Politeness isn’t a problem, but making it a one-way street absolutely is.