Sleep is my favourite function to complain about, it breaks shit at random on windows and Linux, nobody seems to know why or how. The fact that sleep works as well as it does on consoles and steam deck is a miracle to me.

In Australia that might be considered a bit cold for shorts, but definitely within acceptable range.

Well that’s the inbuilt thoughts from a troubled childhood. It’s not anything special, pretty stock standard parental neglect

That would be the standard unshakable idea that I need to meet a certain approval criteria that will mean I’m worth love and care. It’s not valid, but I’m well aware it’s in there.

I didn’t do a great job of it, the gist of it is the nasty issues like inability to communicate, stonewalling, etc facilitated the ongoing small issues. For example I wasn’t allowed to do certain chores, but she wouldn’t keep up with them either. Easy to fix if communication is there, harder if all those issues are getting in the way.

Yeah I’ve been staying to wonder about that today, I do think my self worth was derived from the relationship, as my regular stuff kind of fell away as our lifestyle became incompatible with them. It’s a slow rebuild, but I felt relaxed for the first time in ages today, so progress is happening.

Oh my god leave the poor fuckers alone.

Because I loved them haha

But in general it’s less about that particular relationship and trying to convince myself that going forward the results of a relationship aren’t just going to be the same disregard as I’ve experienced in the past.

You are absolutely correct, I suppose it’s gotten a bit weird because the relationship was super odd regarding the intentions communicated vs the actual work put in. It was made things very muddy and it’s hard to understand my part in what went wrong, and reflect on if and what I need to change regarding my own behaviour. I don’t think I’ve experienced a situation where everything got this messy before.

I’ll try to be objective, everything here is either the objective truth or something both of us came to a consensus on.

It was a large and complex issue, last straw was I attempted to communicate that we would need to talk out our issues before we started co-living again, she took it as she wouldn’t be allowed to come back to the house without that talk right now. I ran that message past a few people before I sent it because we’ve had some nasty communication issues in the past, they did not think it was a reasonable reading of said message. It certainly not my intention.

We’ve also had a lot of issues on and off. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t mind that and is happy to work on this stuff, she’s got some anxiety issues and tends to avoid grappling with things. It was going okay for the first couple of years, and I was a much more forgiving, go with the flow kind of person back then. I started to feel like my priorities and needs weren’t important to her, chiefly because when I tried to communicate them to her she would sort of treat it as unimportant as a first reaction, then if I pressed the issue she would concede the importance, but then never make actual progress.

The most recent batch of issues came last year when there was a construction crew basically rebuilding the entirety of next door. They did a significant amount of damage to our property, and the noise was extremely loud from 7-2:30. She got home at 3ish. I needed some time to relax after the figurative siege of noise, she has dyspraxia and won’t turn off the anxiety and will use the anxious energy for housework. I also have moderate to severe PTSD regarding noises like that from childhood. It wasn’t a good combination. She also wouldn’t even acknowledge the problem for the first maybe 5 months, and basically didn’t do any of the legal work regarding the issues.

I started to have a breakdown in maybe August last year, where I stopped being able to do housework so easily, her answer to that was to force herself to do the things I wasn’t capable of at the time. I still kick myself for allowing that to happen, because it built up more antipathy that she never communicated, and even at the time I knew things going this way was a possibility.

Even up to the end we cared for each other, but how we were interacting was bad for both of us. My main frustration isn’t that we had these issues, but that I didn’t think they were insurmountable at all. People and relationships need work, and we both agreed on that in general, but the work discussed never materialised.

For my part my faults in this were I was too forgiving at the start, and too frustrated at the end. I don’t blame myself for that, the issues next door basically made me regress into the abused child on some level, but it did definitely lead to a lack of communication skills, and patience. I did okay, but not great.

For sure, but I’ll take potential avenues of investigation over nothing right now. Appreciate you making sure I’m not going into this with the wrong mindset though

I appreciate it mate

I completely understand your logic there, but I’m not sure it’s something I can become accustomed to. I feel like I’ve got a similar viewpoint with the idea of death at least, the inevitability of things passing, but my issue seems more the idea of my own inadequacy, the fear I may not deserve connection with other people.

This is a funny question in the context of the sub, because it’s not that the question is stupid, but the answer is.

They’re incredibly stupid. They may not know of Spain, or any Spanish speaking culture. They’re also incredibly reactionary, and egocentric, which means they may not have rubbed the two brain cells together to realise there are other possibilities than what has been parrotted to them for the past few decades.

Actually if I were you I’d be very careful with being in America right now. Like in general, but also the rascist rhetoric is getting pretty strong over there.

I really hate to naysay you on this, but the US starting pointless wars over random shit is not a new thing with Trump. It got marginally worse sure, and I’d agree there some stability problems that got worse in the past year, but the US is mostly an economic powerhouse largely driven by the military industrial complex, which did indeed get kick-started by their late entry into WW2.  There’s a reason the US economy goes into overdrive every time they start a war. This is a self perpetuating problem that has been going on for nearly as long as living memory unfortunately.

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